In the Bleak Mid Winter
When people ask how I am I always respond, “I am a 7, the scale is 10 and I don’t do 6.” 8 requires more imagination, 9 is borderline delusional and 10 doesn’t exist.
Lately while sitting alone in my living room my feelings while pondering the many challenges of life I experienced myself sliding toward 6 and maybe even 5.
We live where we are surrounded by trees, woods, forest and in the summer one can see only the front edges of the woods. However, in the clear, cold winter the trees are bare, and one can see deeper into the woodland, especially after a recent snowfall of almost one foot allows seeing even deeper into the trees and underbrush. I got up from my bluesy self-pity and went out on my deck. While gazing into the woods I saw a single deer run through and I wondered if there were others. Sure enough, after several beats, six more deer followed in rapid succession. Then they were gone. I watched to see if there were any more. And then I saw her – running hard all alone and wanting to catch up. I waited a while longer to see if there were others – there were none – they were all gone.
I went back into my living room and felt my emotional temperature rise back to 7. What had happened? I processed what I had just seen and realized that I and perhaps others, had just been given an anti-depressant experience of life on life’s terms. Sometimes we lead, sometimes we follow and sometimes we just try to catch up. Pondering further, I wondered from whence came the urge, the impetus, the wish – to get up and walk out onto the deck – at just the right time?
I don’t want to be arrogant enough to say I know. But I do know there is a mystery in life that we cannot predict or schedule. Some call it Grace – so do I.